*Insert deep, long sigh and the biggest eye roll you’ve ever seen here*
Because that is exactly how I feel about this topic. Just, ugh. “The Future Guy” is a muddled, murky mess. First, there’s the “How long am I supposed to wait before dating is appropriate?” issue. Then there’s the “I’m a package deal now” issue. The “My standards are so high that this future guy surely does not exist” issue. And, my personal favorite, the “Where am I ever going to meet this person?” issue.
Several months ago, if you had brought up this mythical future relationship I would have given you the death stare. I spent most of 2013 figuring out how to live. (Congratulations to me, I made it.) Towards the end of the year, when my ducks miraculously appeared in their row, I was hit with loneliness like a brick wall. No longer preoccupied with the drama that is divorce, I realized that I do not, in fact, want to be alone forever. I was created to have a partner, and I make no apologies for acknowledging that. It still is not something I think about often, but I do think of it more often than I used to. Does that make sense?
The first problem, the “How long…?” issue, does not really concern me too much yet. First, I am not yet legally divorced. (Every time I have to say this, I die a little.) The fact that I am still legally married is not, to me, some moral reason not to date. When it’s over, it’s over, whether the state of New York knows that yet or not doesn’t matter. I think, because I am tied to him through our toddler, it means something more to me to have an official disconnect from him in black and white. Second, even if it was official, I am not ready. I just started to consider the possibility recently. Not interested in doing a cannon ball into the dating pool. I don’t even have a toe in yet.
And timing doesn’t really matter, because this new guy is a mythical creature who will surely have to fall from the sky (where my standards are). I am not messing around anymore (literally or figuratively). My dating history is a mess. And no offense to any of my ex’s out there, but I was young and stupid and didn’t pay attention to the qualities that really matter in a guy. Number one on that list now is that he must be Christian. Not Easter and Christmas Christian either. That narrows down the playing field quite a bit.
Now consider that he must be Christian and willing to date a single mother. I’m young, only 24. Most Christian guys my age are looking for a girl whose qualities include words like “virgin” or “saving herself.” So, not only is mythical dream man willing to look past all of that, but he totally loves that I have a toddler too. Micah is not someone I want this new guy to just look past. He’s going to have to like me BECAUSE of Micah, because I am a good mom. Not in spite of it. And, he’s going to be totally understanding when I don’t let him hang out with the super cool Moo for quite some time. AND, AND he will understand that I will not have as much time for him as the other 20-something-year-old girls, because being a mom is more important. On top of all of these super powers, he must also be good looking and hard working, among other things.
Which brings up my favorite internal question: Where am I going to meet this guy? Your guess is as good as mine. Any guy who sits at the bar at work is automatically disqualified. I don’t meet many people at the nanny job. Church seems like a logical place, except my group of friends there are, weirdly enough, other mothers. Don’t even say the words “Christian Mingle” to me.
Clearly, God is going to have to bring him to me. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to, one that I reach over and over. I’m just going to have to trust God! How, where and when aren’t questions I am supposed to have the answers to. God knows my heart. He knows what I need better than I do. I want what He wants for my life.
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
Who wouldn’t love that face?